Having Difficulty Sleeping

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NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT take coffee at night, especially if after 9pm!

Maybe it was the coffee that I had late (was it late, after 9pm?) last night, or maybe I  think too much about having a second child.  I had some difficulty going to sleep….  I keep thinking and thinking and worry about getting pregnant again, hopefully with a baby girl next time.

Truth be told….  I have been meaning to have a baby girl of my own ever since I was young.

Wayyyyyy before I got married.  I think as young as 9 years old?


U c how young that was?

I dont know why I was thinking like that at that age.

What I do know is ….  as I grow up into my teenage and adult years, I feel like I want to have a girl companion, my own girl, my doter to accompany me to go soping for shoes, clothes, make-ups, have the same pink and purple fashion likes, go to salon, do manicures and other stuff.

I am like always envying other mothers who get to dress up their girls.


Or even get to wear mother-doter pretty dresses and put on make ups together, plus do lotsa girly things together!

But then sometimes I tell myself to always feel grateful that I only have a son for now.

I dont have to deal with girl-angst, or trouble with dealing with my doter being heartbroken by a really bad boy that she likes….  or….

Or…..  puberty red-blood period era that is so full of confusion and crazy teenage years.

Maybe I should just get on with the flow and not to worry too much about not having a second child or a girl.

If Allah SWT, GOD permits me to have a baby girl…. I will.

If I don’t, I will still be grateful for at least I have a son.

While there are lotsa other people in this world dont even have children of their own after years of marriage.

Alhamdulillah for that.  Grace to Allah.


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